I Have A Dream!

Ever had one of those moments where everything just seems to click?
Well, I had one of those last night.

See, a few months ago I experienced something that really hurt me. I stopped talking to people and God about it after a while because I felt like it was old news and I should have been over it. I wasn't.

For a long time I wasn't able to even look at the person without all that stuff being dragged back up again. I'd forgiven them for what happened, but just couldn't get over that rejection and pain that had become almost normal every time I saw their face.

A couple of days after this experience happened I went to the National Day of Prayer at Wembley. I haven't told many people this but it's a key part of this story so I shall share it! 
I was sitting in my seat at Wembley with some friends and it got to a part where we had to turn around and shake people's hands and hug them.

As I was hugging some random old lady behind me, someone grabbed hold of my arm and didn't let go. It turned out to be the man sitting behind one of my friends. I'd never seen him or spoken to him before that day, however he started talking to me about my situation and about me!

He told me he felt God had told him to talk to me and that there were areas in my life where my lack of confidence held me back. So true. He said some other stuff and I cried for like the millionth time that week. The coolest thing of all though, was that he said he felt he'd come all the way from New Zealand to meet me!!! 

After that he gave me his card so I could email him when I got home because he wanted to pray for me, so I put it in my pocket. Whilst all this was happening, the song 'The Voice of Hope' was being played; the words of which exactly described everything that I was feeling.

 

As I was leaving Wembley, the card the man had given me for some reason fell out of my pocket. In the middle of a crowd of people, I felt a little tug in my mind which told me to turn around, and as I did I saw the card on the floor and went back to pick it up!  As you will find out in the next part of the story, this was probably one of the most important things I could have done.

When I got home, within a couple of days of receiving the card, I dropped the man an email. Several days passed but then I got a reply. I was a bit surprised because his actual message was very brief, however he had attached something to the message. 

It was a devotional entitled 'Ask God to Give You a Dream'. 

Initially I read it and thought 'Oh, that's nice.' However, on reading it again over the weeks and months after I'd got the email, more and more began to stand out to me.

The closing line went like this:

"Acknowledge your motives, ask God to heal your heart, then ask Him for a dream that He can back up!!"

In fact, it got to the point where everything in that short piece of writing spoke about my situation so much I had to do something about it! So I acknowledged my motives, asked God to heal my heart and asked Him for a dream.

Slowly but surely my heart began to heal and I became more passionate about different aspects of the work I was doing, especially mentoring my young people.

The person who hurt me briefly apologised which helped a lot, but it was only yesterday that I realised I'm actually okay now. It's taken about 9 months but I finally made it with God's help! It's funny how that's the time it takes to make a new person, and I feel like that was the case for me as well.

My point is, without this hurtful thing happening to me, I would have never sat where I did at Wembley, I would never have met the man, who would have never sent me that email, which would have never encouraged me to turn to God to give me vision for the future that wasn't born out of my attitude towards myself, but rather God's attitude towards me. 
This painful experience equipped me to be able to move towards fulfilling the dream God has put in my heart and has filled me with empathy for others who go through similar experiences. 

"When God gives you a dream, He gives you the resources and relationships needed to fulfill it."

For ages I felt bad because I thought this thing happened because I didn't listen to God, and maybe I didn't; but He turned it around into something good and more perfect than I ever would have experienced otherwise.

So, why don't you ask God to give YOU a dream? If you give your whole heart to Him you never know what will happen. But the biggest thing I've learned is that He will use every situation, no matter how painful or hard, and turn it around into something good!

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

Romans 8:28 

 

Watch Your Mouth.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" 

Yeah right...

I used to recite this to myself, desperately trying to believe it, longing for it to be true. 

In reality in 100% wasn't.

In fact, I believe words have the power to have a negative effect on someone that is as strong as the effect of a physical injury, if not worse. This has certainly been the case in my past anyway.

As someone that remembers a lot of what has been said to me, I found myself dwelling on those comments people made. Some of them weren't said with the intention of hurting me, but I dwelt on them and gave them the chance to take root in my life.

At the age of 8, someone asked me if I'd lost weight. For the average adult, this may be an acceptable question, however my 8 year old self took it to heart. I instantly thought if she'd noticed I lost weight I must've been fat.

From this, a ridiculous amount of anxiety about my appearance sprouted. Those of you who've heard my testimony are probably aware of how this all affected me, and lets just say it definitely wasn't positive.

So what I'm trying to say is watch your mouth. I've been really challenged by this lately, as often I say hurtful things without meaning to. We all do.

But see how much a little comment for you can affect the person receiving it in a huge way? We all need to think before we speak.

Don't say stuff to try and be funny at someone else's expense. Don't try and say stuff for the sake of it to break the silence. It's so easy to slip up and hurt someone.

And if you're the victim of a hurtful comment, rebuke it and whatever you do, don't let it take root in your heart and dictate who you are. You're so much greater than what another person says you are. You were created in the image of GOD!

Our tongues are hugely powerful weapons. They need to be used wisely. From now on, I challenge you to use yours carefully and with consideration.

"Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift."  Ephesians 4:29 (The Message)

Go Compare.. OR NOT!

Did you know that every human has a unique tongue print? Neither did I...

My point is, every single person on this whole earth is different to you. So why is it that we so often compare our appearance, abilities, talents and possessions to those of other people?

Something that's been on my heart for the past few of days is the effect that comparison can have on our lives and how we think about ourselves. I've always been someone who measures what I have based on what others do, and I can sometimes find myself getting down because I don't match up to the people I look up to. 

Yes, I may not have got as good a grade on a test as the person I sit next to, but how does that make a difference to anything at all? Yes, my hair may not be as shiny or my dress size as small as some of my friends but who cares? 

This is what really gets me about they way we think today. The media and society tell us we need to be better than who we really are- who God made us.Who gave them the right to tell us who we should be?

A few weeks ago I was watching a video of Kari Jobe preaching on Youtube, and something she said really stood out to me; so much so that I wrote it on a note on my computer desktop. She said "Comparison will be the number one thing that'll keep you from doing what God's called you to do." SO TRUE!

Whether you agree with this quote or not, how many times have you not done something you felt you should because you didn't feel good enough? 

Whenever the time comes that I have to speak publicly this happens. I look at other people speaking confidently and think I'll never be as funny or confident as them and that what I have to say won't be as good as what they said; so I avoid it. 

The reality is, I'm probably not the next prime minister, but who says I'm not good enough to speak in front of people? It's all lies that I've wrongly let myself believe. 

This doesn't necessarily mean if I just start believing I am good enough I will turn into the best public speaker ever- some things take practice and skill- however if I stop believing the lies, I will be able to do what God's called me to do, whether that's speaking through a mic or something else. 

It can be said for us all that if we stop comparing ourselves to others and focus on what we CAN DO, we will do so much more than if we'd held ourselves back with the fear of not matching up those around us. There's always going to be people who have different traits and talents than you- we're all different- but find that special something in you and focus on how amazing you truly are, 'cause it's true! The creator of the world says so!

"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that... Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life."  Galatians 6:4-5

If you fancy watching the video of Kari Jobe preaching, here's the link:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fn775PDljhg

Be Transformed!

Obsessing over my appearance has always been a huge part of my life. I remember at the age of around 7 comparing myself to my skinny friend when we had our swimming lessons and being worried that I was taller than all of my friends (yes, I was tall once!). Years went by and every day before the school day began, I would stand in front of the mirror for at least half an hour trying to get my hair to look 'perfect' or attempting to look 'good'. I had a tough time in years 7 & 8  as people often made snide comments about what I looked like, so being me, I would try to hide my face with my hair and avoid looking people in the eye. I remember at one point I was actually scared to walk past a reflective window incase I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I was in a terrible way because I was scared of what others would think or say about me.

The same happened when people found out about me being a 'Christian'. I'd keep my head down so people wouldn't give me the same old 'Bible Basher' comments. When people did, I didn't stand up for what I believe and found myself conforming to and fulfilling what they were saying about my faith.

The whole of my secondary school life was consumed with the worry of what others will think of me so I lived in a little bubble of who I thought others wanted me to be and what they wanted me to look like. There's a picture I found of when I went to my first under 18's club dressed very chavvily looking completely unlike me and uncomfortable because I was trying to be like everyone else; when really I wouldn't have set foot inside that place if I hadn't cared so much about what others would say if I didn't.

Over the past year I've been on a huge, and at times, difficult journey. I'm discovering who I was created to be and being transformed! In Romans 12 it says "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

Are you living your life for this world? Is your life like mine was and being controlled by the opinion of others? God has called us to be different and to walk in what He wants for our lives- not what we want! So this week I challenge you to BE YOU. If you don't feel like going out and getting drunk with your mates then don't. If you want to wear un-trendy clothes then go for it! I've learned there's so much more to life that pleasing other people- pleasing God should be the only aim.

Cling on!

So, over the past few weeks I've tried and failed several times to find the right words to type. It's got to the point where so much inside me has bottled up it seems the only way of letting some of that out is here. So here goes...

The last few weeks have been a huge battle for me. Being super busy paired with my brother being in hospital spelt a recipe for disaster. The joy I experienced during the day whilst I was busy turned to pain in the night when I was left alone. I felt drained physically and emotionally. I would hide how I was feeling through the need to be strong.
It wasn't 'til last night, when I was at the lowest point I've been for a while that I listened to the still small voice that whispered into my heart. The word 'cling'.  

Now for me, when I think of the word 'cling' I think of someone hanging on for dear life, someone with no other hope holding on to the one thing they know they can rely on, something steadfast and sure.

What do you cling to when the going gets tough?
Alcohol? Drugs? Your Boyfriend? TV?

For me it's been food. I've eaten so much junk and then tried eating nothing at all, in the search for comfort.

A few years ago, a verse from Song of Songs was prophesied over me (bit strange I know, but bear with me!) and last night as I thought about the word 'cling' I remembered it.
It's Chapter 3 verse 4 & says "Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go."
Now, in my view, that verse represents how we should be with Jesus.
Through the good and the bad, through the storm and the calm, we need to cling to the cross. We can't do anything alone. We need to find our hope in Jesus. He's the light at the end of this tunnel I'm in. He's the shining light in the darkness. He's the one who brings the joy into my heart, the one who I need to cling to.

This song is exactly what's on my heart & says it all:

Clinging to the Cross- Tim Hughes feat. Brooke Fraser

Are you clinging to the cross or something else?

Wave Your White Flag!

Last year I decided I wanted to redecorate my room. So, while we were moving around furniture and preparing to paint it, my dad and I discovered a patch of mould that had been growing on the ceiling. Now, me being me and my dad being my dad, we couldn't be bothered to put bleach on the ceiling to kill the mould, so we carried on and painted over it.
My nice white painted ceiling was looking good & there was no trace of the mould that lay underneath until I was lying in bed a couple of weeks ago. Oh dear. I noticed a grey area appearing in the spot where the mould used to be. It was growing back!

This is a really strange analogy, but I think this can be the same for our sin. We block what we've done out of our minds in the hope that no one will ever find out, but really it's still there, waiting to grow back again. I can certainly say this is true for me. I had the fear of what God would think if I talked to Him about it, but really, he already knew. For ages, I buried the guilt inside me and hoped it would go away. It didn't.

It wasn't until recently when God gave me the opportunity to talk about what happened with people who care about me that I realised the great need we have for surrender. I always knew that's what I should do as a Christian, but I had no idea of how much it would hurt. Surrendering everything I have, no matter what the cost, is something that can only be done with His help. Sharing something so personal was not easy, but by doing so God really encouraged me on my journey with Him & brought me closer to surrendering all I am and all I was. 

This blog was not at all easy to write, but I really hope it will encourage you to surrender. Surrender the thoughts you have, the actions you make, the time you spend & God will turn that around into blessings :D

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." - James 4:7

Solitude

At the weekend, as part of the course I'm doing, I went on a retreat for 2 days. Over this short amount of time I learned so much about myself, my attitudes & my God.

One huge thing I was reminded of and would really stress is the importance of solitude.
You don't have to be a Christian to have a huge need for solitude- we can all get burnt out by our busy lives, however, I use my times alone to talk to God and reflect.

We had a prayer session at retreat from an amazing woman of God named Robin, who told us we need to find a 'prayer closet'. This doesn't have to be an actual cupboard you have to squeeze yourself into, but a place where you can truley feel alone with God. For a friend of mine, this was on a crowded train with his scarf wrapped around his face. For me it's on a hill overlooking a lake near my house.

This place is just so special and important- it's a place for you and God & nothing else. No distractions. Just you and Him.

I discovered my place when my brother and I went sledging there a few weeks ago. It's a place where not many others go, so I'm able to gaze across at the beautiful views & sing as loud as I want ;)

Today when I visited my prayer closet I just sat down & talked with God. He doesn't want you to go through all the usual prayers you say, just talk to Him like you would your best friend. This is something I've struggled with in the past, but it's stupid 'cause He knows what you're thinking anyway- He just wants you to tell Him about your thoughts, fears, regrets etc.

So, I really challenge anyone who reads this to take some time out this week & find your prayer closet- you won't regret it :)